I Just Keep Falling Deeper and Deeper!

I dont even know where to start, I just feel sad, a lot has happened tonight. In case you didnt know I was invited(by Lauren) to this party at a friends house and of course I was excited(pretty much because Lauren was gonna be there) but for the last few days she got pretty sick and even ended up going to the doctor and was put on antibiotics. I still was excited to go because I knew she wasnt going to miss it. I had a pretty good conversation with Jeremy last night about this(I think too much but thats how I am). But anyway I was pretty much waiting all day for this party and I sent a text to Adam to see what was going on and I told him to let me know when he was heading over there. Shortly after I got a call(from Lauren) and she said that they were waiting for Trish to get out of work(around 10) and she would call me when I could head over. Just after 10 sure enough it was Lauren letting me know I could leave and she told me to call Adam and tell him. So I did and he asked why she had called me instead of him(its complicated [like everything else]) Later on when I got there it was right when Adam was getting back and we talked as we went up to the house and he said that he was kinda pissed that Lauren ended up picking up Kirstie and driving there herself when they had planned to go together. Cut to the party we were all having fun and texting each other (me&adam, adam&lauren me&lauren, lauren&dexter?[complicated]) so it is hard to explain. Adam and I stepped up the beer pong table and won like 5 games in a row. Then we moved on to some card game that I sat out of and eventually we moved on to Catch Phrase. But then another person got added to the mix(Brit D) and I dont even feel like explaining it(because I dont know it all) but I do know that Lauren got up and went outside to talk to adam? so i sent her a text asking if everything was alright and later she said she would explain later. We got bored of CP and moved on to more beer pong, adam and I lost to Lauren and Steph. We went and sat down where we had a long discussion about a lot of things, he ended up showing me text that Lauren had sent to him and he saved(this is kinda where my sadness began). After awhile adam left and then Kirstie and Lauren and I followed as well. The whole way home I thought about her and I felt I could just shed some tears. I also listened to a song over and over

I've been looking for a lifeline
for what seems like a lifetime
I'm drowning in the pain
breaking down again
looking for a lifeline

Is there anybody out there?
Can you pull me from this ocean of despair?
I'm drowning in the pain
breaking down again
looking for a lifeline

I just dont know WHAT TO DO! towards the end of high school is when I fell for her and after we kinda dropped contact, the only time we ever talked was about football. But ever since we have been talking more and even hanging out, I have fallen once more and I dont know what to do. because I now know the extent of her and Adam's relationship and he is my friend. Not to mention I would never want to screw up her and I's relationship. But I cant help the way I feel and it is really hurting me inside IT JUST SUCK'S so bad. I just wish I knew what to do, I am afraid to do anything(fear of rejection or messing up a good relationship) I dont know, I never want to see her hurt by anybody (Dexter, Adam, or Me) I wish I could somehow convey that to her. I just wanna be there for her, I want to be able to protect her, I want her to come to me when she is in a bad mood or just doesnt feel good. I really care for her with all my heart and soul and I dont know what to do! This is so hard to write now I am starting to tear up. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED!!! I just want her to know EXACTLY how I feel. After reading the texts she has sent Adam, I really want to be that person she can tell anything, no matter what it is. And everytime I talk or hang out with her I just fall deeper and deeper.

I just dont know!:(

Peace Out!

hmmm....

I really dont even know what to say. I have had no desire lately to right in this blog I dont know why not but even before starting this I was hesitant. The last couple of days have been mixed with extremes, extreme boredom but also extreme fun.

All day today I was torturous I pretty much just sat in my room and bounced from my laptop to my 360 playing Madden 09(Extreme Boredom)

However last night I went a birthday party for Dexter Miller (it was great cause it was only down the street from me like less than a 1min drive) I didnt get down there until like 10:30. As I pulled in I saw Jeff and Jerin walking down the drive way to greet me so we chatted for a sec and headed up to the party. There was a bomb fire out back, a beer pong table set up, a cooler full of beer, a party ball(like a mini keg), a bottle of Captain, a bottle of Tequila and some soda to mix. When I got there I realized I knew pretty much everyone, Adam V., Jeff, Jerin, Dexter, Kelly(who raped at beer pong) then a couple people who I have met like once or twice like Rudi(y) and Cruz(it was his house). I started with a cup of Captain and coke, by the time I finished the first cup more vehicles pulled up and to my pleasant surprise it was David and Kayla. So we talked for a little bit as I drank another C&C. Then Kayla asked if I would play a game of BP with her, unfortunately we lost(but I made 3 cups which is half so I did my part) so we continued drinking. I was starting to feel the alcohol when I decided to send a text to Lauren O'dea. The two people who read this know my short history with this girl, and lately I have been talking to her a lot more whether it's over text or facebook and its made really happy to kind of reestablish our friendship. And since I have been hanging out with Adam V. again I have learned about there history and I am sure Chris knows more about that then I do. But anyway back to my text, It was a simple I wish you were here. She replied with "me too but Dexter and I dont get along" and then followed it up with "Adam and I are hanging out later. COME!!) After reading it I went to go find Adam and talk to him about it. As I was looking around I saw him motion me over(he was on the phone) and he was talking to Lauren and I guess she made a comment to him about me hanging out with them. I told Adam that if it was just gonna be the two of them then I dont want to impose because I know how Adam feels for Lauren cause I feel and have felt the same way. But Lauren was talking about Kirstie also going so I said sure the four of us can hang out. So since we were at Dexters party we had to make sure that no one knew that we were going to go hang out with Lauren so Adam said he had to pick up his dad at the airport and I said that my cousin was hitting me up and I had to go down to Naples. So with our lies we were out and headed to Adams house. Kirstie and Lauren met us there at the exact same time we got there and after greetings and a big hug from Lauren(we havent actually seen each other in quite awhile) we quietly snuck into Adams house and went straight to his room. After some chatting Lauren busted Catch Phrase(I have never played before) which is like charades but instead of acting out clues you can verbally give clues as long as you dont say the word. It was Adam and I V. Kirstie and Lauren. Adam and I won the first four and they cam back with the next five and after that it was back and forth and I think they ended up winning(we let them win haha)also(this was the Extreme Fun) After that one person would just give out clues while the other three tried to guess. Seriously I havent laughed so hard and for so long in a LONG TIME! It was like a good 2 hours when we decided to go our separate ways and with two more hugs from Lauren I was gone and headed home.(I also got invited to Trish's party on Thursday, and it is gonna be interesting to see Adam and I fight for Laurens attention!!)(that reminds me I also am hanging out with her for the Super Bowl so yay)

Thats really all I have to say (I am surprised I wrote so much especially since I didnt even want to write this but I am glad I did) anyway who knows when I will write another one but until then....


Peace Out!

The Blog Is Here!

So I know I said that I was gonna write this yesterday (cause it is no 1:54am the next day) and I apologize but at least I am writing it now.

Now the past few days have been fairly boring, mainly just sleep and work. Work as gotten quite a bit harder which I am partly grateful because I am really trying and not just trying to get through the night, there is a reason and here is the story.

OK now the "main"(head) manager got fired on Saturday (I had that day off) so when I went in on Monday I was actually early enough for "lineup" which is where the staff eats and the executive chef describes the specials and what we need to do for the night. When I first came in Steve (the exec. Chef) said that he wanted to chat about something so he wanted me to be there for lineup and of course since I was there in the restaurant I was definitely gonna be there. We all ate and Steve joined us as well as Dick McPhail (his real and full name)(he is like one of the head honchos for Bonita Bay) and we started a discussion for how we can improve the amount of traffic for the restaurant. And Dick told everyone he was thinking of a two for one entree coupon, and whatever but he also said that if any of the members asked about Jo Ann(the fired manager) to direct them towards him. After hearing this I was quite suspicious about what that meant. So later I ran into Steve out back and he said "I assume you have read the news" and he added "about Jo Ann, she was fired" and I replied "No, but I was wondering about what Dick said" and I asked why she had been fired and all I got was "many reasons". So back to "lineup" Steve got up and said that he wanted the restaurant to start working more as a team (now its not like the employees never do anything for each other, we are all really friendly towards each other) but Steve just wants us to kinda kick it up a notch. After lineup he approached me and said that because he has taken on this manager position that he wont be able to expo as much and that Mark(the only other food runner who has been there for years) would have to be expoing more often which meant I am gonna have to step up and take most of the Food running and assisting servers, he asked if I could take on more of a busser/food runner/server assistant job(which I have always done but pretty much if asked). Anyway the past two days I have worked it has been super busy and I have ran non-stop between running food and taking bus tubs full of dishes back to the kitchen and also scoping the dining room and bussing tables to help out the servers. So work has gotten quite harder and I am pretty sure that I might get a couple days next week so that means more money.

Also I have reengaged my efforts at finding another job, tomorrow I have an interview at Chick-fil-A (I always told my self that I would never get into the fast food business[I also said that about the restaurant business but look at me now]but I figure if I have to work at a fast food place it couldn't get any better than CFA)
plus I have sundays guaranteed off haha. The interview is at noon (I really should be asleep to be rested for... today) but I also wanna check out a hotel who needs someone to run there morning breakfast buffet. Set it up, help people, re stock, clean up, and break down, which would be perfect for the job I have now. I could do the morning thing then get home take a nap, get up and ready for my night job. So hopefully I get something. Well tomorrow should be interesting and I assume will warrant a blog so look out for that!!

Until then....

Peace Out! With Much Love!

Blog to Come!

This is a reminder to myself because it is way to late and as soon as House is over I am "hitting the hay" (2:58 am)

When I get up to check all of your blogs I will hopefully see this and remember to write mine!


Peace Out!

Tired and Sore

Right now I am sitting out in the Family room watching the Ravens V. Steelers and I just feel like I need to write this whether you guys care what I have been up to the past week or not. To save A LOT of time (of me typing and you reading) I am just gonna put the days and the major event that happened that day in a list.

I am gonna start with Friday January 9th

Friday Jan. 9-Work, then party with Ryan L,Lauren,Adam B,Jeff,Jerin,and Adam V
Saturday Jan. 10-got high with Adam B,Jeff,and Jerin
Sunday Jan. 11-had a BBQ with some family and watched some football
Monday Jan. 12-Work
Tuesday Jan. 13-Work and again party with all aforementioned people
Wednesday Jan. 14-um I think I went up to Jeremy's
Thursday Jan. 15-Work
Friday Jan. 16-Work
Saturday Jan. 17-Played some football and chilled with my cousins
Today Jan. 18-Went over to Ryan K's dorm and chilled and now is watching football


Before this week I was kinda depressed because there was nothing going on in my life, I mean I was only working ine day a week and nothing socially was happening so I was extremely bored. But after the few parties and having fun I felt a lot better. I fear though that pretty soon life is gonna get harder, especially with season coming to an end in a couple months. My window to find another job is closing and I have no money saved up. The economy is getting worse by the day and it seems that EVERYONE is feeling it because even the members of the restaurant I work at are staying away or ordering cheap items (and Bonita Bay members are rich people) You know it is bad when big electronics retailers close down like Circuit City (Jeremy this sucks so bad) after correcting people about the state of bankruptcy they were in I can no longer do so because they have finally started to finalize what their employees have feared for months now. The City has 60 days and they will start liquidating and all their 100's of thousands of employees will be out of the job, just more casualties of this recession (may soon be slumping towards depression if this keeps up) Now the restaurant I am currently employed at is not closing down but will close for the summer because most of our members are snow birds and live up north for summer. So I too will be out of a job come spring, I have restarted my efforts on getting a new job. So it seems I will be spending more time at home conserving money and less time socializing and spending money. Hopefully none of you have a problem with conversating with me via internet.

It seems I have run out of things to type so for now I will exit and if I think of something else I will add it on so please comment and hopefully my next blog will be soon

Until then.....


Peace Out!

Wow! What Is This Place?...

...It seems so familiar, oh wait it's because I actually use to write my thoughts, feelings, and events in my life here.

To be truthful the past 2 or 3 weeks I have been kinda depressed between my fucking car and the shitty sounds and jerks it was making and the fact I was working only 1 day a week plus I have been (and still currently fighting) sick for like 2 weeks. The only fun I have had in the past month was:

1. Monopoly with Jeremy and Chris

2. New Years when I got high as FUCK!

but thats about it, but now I am more optimistic 2009 may have started really shitty but things are looking up. My car has been fixed and no longer jerks or makes nasty sounds. I am now working like 3-4 days a week (which means more money and I can finally start saving up for my Spring Break road trip to Michigan)

So hopefully with a new found enthusiasm for life I will begin writing a blog every night (or at least every other night) but I am not the only ones that have been slacking and for anyone who reads this that also has a blog I follow we all need to start writing again. It is a new year and we need to do our best to chronicle everything that happens. Lets take a look at the list of blogs I follow and the last time they posted.

Ryan-2 months

Chris' Mom-1 month

Liz-4 weeks

Kelly-3 weeks

Kari-1 week

Lauren-5 days

Jeremy-3 days

Chris-2 hours

Now I know I have no room to talk but I think we can all do a little bit better, make a bigger effort to write (well except Chris he always keeps his blog game tight)

OK...


So today I had to work and also had plans to go to a friends house (Justin Price) to watch the BCS Championship game (Florida Vs. Oklahoma) so after work I got home watched the last couple min. of the half then jumped in the shower, got changed, and headed out.

Now the last time I was over there to watch a Gator game it was just the two of us but I guess this being a big game I should have expected more people. But in no way was I prepared to see Keith and Cody Hilton and Joey Rios there (these are just guys that I know from middle and High school [well Keith and Cody dropped out I think Junior year] but anyway) When I got there I realized there was lots of beer (but beer is mos def not my favorite kind of alcohol) I was offered some but refused. So I sat down started watching the game and chatting with Keith(the chill twin [oh yea I forgot to mention Keith and Cody are twins] and Cody is kinda crazy and has a short temper especially with alcohol added into the equation) Later in the game Florida scored (I was rooting for them) and Justin ran over to the counter where he had a bottle of whiskey (mmmmm much better than beer) so I quickly jumped up and asked for a shot then resumed watching the game.

This is where the night gets good.

Joey was behind Keith and I guess was playing around and put him in a one armed sleeper hold and then Keith actually got choked out (we all thought he was faking but he spilled some beer and was about to fall out of his chair) He woke up after a minute but Cody had already started yelling at Joey for choking out his bro. Now like I said with alcohol Cody is Super Crazy so Joey also intoxicated started yelling back and threats were thrown back and forth it started heading out through the front door but couldnt quite make it, Cody and Joey started scrapping in a hallway where they put a huge dent in the wall (this is when Justin got pissed) eventually Keith wrestled his bro to the floor before anything else good get broken. Eventually Keith got Cody to go home but not after a few more scraps outside and a few other people getting involved (involuntarily) by the time everything was smoothed out the game was over and the Gators were victorious. Shortly after Justin told everyone that the cops were on the way, apparently Cody called them because Joey was going to beat his ass so everyone kinda just booked it so yea an interesting night I would say.

So hopefully I will see all you tomorrow but until then...

Peace Out!

Edit 3:00am

I wanted to post a couple links so check them out.

http://www.uniformvelocity.com/2009/01/my-atheism-is-not-rejection-of-your-god.html

http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Palin_Couric_Fey_profited_by_exploiting_0108.html