I cant remember where I was or what time it was but I remember my Mom calling me and giving me the awful news that my Grandfather was not doing good and that the doctors gave him about 24 hours to live. A little back story: so for the past year or so my grandpa has been slowly declining in health and we all knew it he was later not able to walk so he had to get a motorized wheel chair and he had been to the hospital a few times before when we thought it could be it for him so going into this stay at the hospital you would like to think you are prepared for the worst, but nothing and I mean nothing can prepare you for the actualization of death. Alright so Tuesday morning we (my dad, mom, and I) went down to the hospital to be with him along with many other family members. He really couldn't talk, the only thing he could really do at that point was breathe, so it wasn't looking good. After awhile there my dad and I had to drive down to my Aunts so he could get his truck so that I could get the car to go to work. I went straight home to get ready when I went in I asked what is the earliest I could leave because of the circumstances and my manager said she would let me know. After a fairly easy night everyone was pretty much gone at around 7:30 and we dont close til 9 so I went up and asked if I could leave and to my delight she said I could so I jumped in my car and raced home to get a shower and change. On my way out I picked up my sister and headed down to the hospital. When we got there we greeted everyone in the room(on another note I have a Big family and we are all really close, we always spend every holiday and every birthday together) Even though we are really close we still have a couple that are around has much as the rest and in our family it is Jason. He hardly ever shows up to anyone's birthdays or anything else, he is just kinda living his life(fairly successful I might add) so it was a pleasant surprise to see him there. For the longest time we waited and talked about past memories and trying to get grandpa to communicate and stay with us. After a couple of food runs with my cousin Danny and his "friend" (girlfriend really even though they deny it) it was getting late and Katie wanted to leave so I opted to take her home and then go back down to the hospital. After I returned and walked in the room everyone was huddled around him beginning to cry so I quickly took my place at his bed side. His breathing had slowed dramatically, it got to the point where he was only taking one gasp of breath per minute so we all just watched intently to see which was gonna be his last. He was so heartbreaking to watch him gasp for air and to fight with all his heart for that next breath, its like his body wanted to give up but his heart wouldn't allow it. At around 2:00am a nurse came in and we asked to check his pulse so she put her fingers on his neck and said she felt something but to be sure she got her stethoscope and checked his chest with everyone staring at her and him we asked as she shook her head no, there was no pulse so at 2:05 am it was official Bernard Hoedebeck was deceased. As it hit everyone like a shockwave from an atomic bomb we all started to cry or ball our eyes out for some. I started thinking about all my childhood memories at my grandparents place and how I would watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy with them, and all the times my dad and I help them out by hurricane proofing their house or building 3 ramps and a platform from scratch for my grandpas scooter to get up into our house. I started really crying but it really hit me when I looked around the room and saw my cousin Danny who when I was young really looked up to as a an older brother. He was crying. And then I looked to my dad who was torn up to see him keep turning around away from the bed with a tissue in his hand. I have known my dad my whole life and I have NEVER EVER seen him shed one tear or even look like he could, my dad has been that really strong personally emotionally and he has never really showed any. So to see him in that state really tore me up inside. I can understand why though because he lost his parents early and he saw my moms parents as his own parents which is why anytime they needed something done he was always there to give a helping hand. So that is one thing that I have had to deal with lately. Want to hear about the second which to me might be worse then my grandpa because I was atleast a little prepared for that but this next thing was so sudden and it happen to the person that I absolutely love more than anyone in my whole family.
That is my cousin Ricky, and it is also him before the accident. Most of dont know but now you will, I got this call Sunday morning from my mom who was again crying so I thought that my grandfather might have passed but no it was not it. I am just gonna copy and paste from earlier blog.
Saturday night when I had the choice to either go to Jeremy's or my aunts house where my cousin(age 20) was gonna have a bomb fire (he had a lot of phone books to burn) now no offense to Jeremy but I wish with all my heart that I could go back and change my decision (I feel I could have prevented what happened [explanation soon]) So I got to Jeremy's around 10 we kinda just talked and fooled around on the internet (I also gave him a present) before bed I watched the Supernatural episode from two weeks ago (yea I slacked a little) We woke up around 9 to nothing to exciting planned so we again just fooled around online and talked to his mom while she looked at Black Friday ads AGAIN. Then I got the call, my mom called me crying again and I feared the worst that possibly my grandfather had passed, but I actually got worse news. My little cousin who I love 10x more than anybody else in my family (immediate or not) somehow got outside under the "supervision" of my cousin (20 year old) and got to the still burning coals of the fire the night before. I dont know if he fell into or what but he ended up with burns on his hands between his knee and mid shin and a small spot on his back (as I am writing this I am starting to cry [making my title true]) Now I dont know the extent of the burns but he had to be taken to Tampa's Burn Center in a helicopter.
We could ask questions all day like: Why didnt someone throw dirt on the coals to put them out? or Where the fuck was Danny when Ricky got out? But no one person can be blamed for what has happened we just have to hope for as great as a recovery as possible.
As in the video above you can see he used to be the happiest and cutest hid alive, he soo much fun to around and to play with I LOVE him SOOO much.
After they got back a couple days ago I saw him for the first time in his stroller with bandages wrapped around his legs and his hands were so wrapped that he cant move his fingers and it looks like he is wearing white gloves. It so heartbreaking to see him like that. Also he doesnt have the childish spirit any more it tears me up because any one even trys talking to him all he does is scream for you to go away. He is so miserable and it really hurts me to see him like that I just want him to recover and get that spirit back I am afraid that he will end up a sad and bitter person. Just thinking about it is making me cry, everytime he used to come over or we would be at a family affair he would always call out my name wondering where I was and I would chase him and pick him up and play and when ever he would leave he would give me hugs and kisses but now only turns his head at everyone and no longer smiles. I am done:(
Peace Out...
4 comments:
I'm so sorry for the news James. You aren't alone in that though. I will never forget that Christmas morning when we got the call about my grandfather dying. You move on, but you never forget it. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with everything. Your friends are all here for you.
Thank You Chris!
I appreciate it!
Ya man i know its hard to loose a grandparent Ive lost all of mine already and i was always close to them and there have been three other people in my family who have passed away it. The only i can say is your grandfather lived a rich and full life he got to see his family grow and play with his grandchildren and he passed away from old age what better way to go then growing old with your wife and children. I bet there was a part of him that wasn't even scared maybe even happy he could just think about his life and know he was a good man and was blessed.
And Ricky to be honest i think he is to young to remember these feeling as he gets older i wouldn't worrie about him becoming different. That's the great thing about being a kid when he gets better he will still be a kid and there will still be so many fun things for him to experience
I think you know how hard it was on us, losing grandma and then grandpa last may. Actually, grandma passed away five years ago yesterday..... It sux. But it gets easier. The end seems to matter a lot less than the memories before. I would say more, but ur an atheist, so it wouldn't matter to you anyway..... just remember the love you had with him while he was here.
As for Ricky..... all i can think about is Braydon. If you love Ricky half as much as I love Braydon, you must be compleley crushed. Braydon is the light of my life... if that light were to go away.... Just hope that he will come back and spend as much time with him as you can. Make him feel like the old Ricky... he's still there...
I love you so much, Jt. Everything sux right now, but life goes on, right???
XOXO
Kari Richelle
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