I Just Keep Falling Deeper and Deeper!

I dont even know where to start, I just feel sad, a lot has happened tonight. In case you didnt know I was invited(by Lauren) to this party at a friends house and of course I was excited(pretty much because Lauren was gonna be there) but for the last few days she got pretty sick and even ended up going to the doctor and was put on antibiotics. I still was excited to go because I knew she wasnt going to miss it. I had a pretty good conversation with Jeremy last night about this(I think too much but thats how I am). But anyway I was pretty much waiting all day for this party and I sent a text to Adam to see what was going on and I told him to let me know when he was heading over there. Shortly after I got a call(from Lauren) and she said that they were waiting for Trish to get out of work(around 10) and she would call me when I could head over. Just after 10 sure enough it was Lauren letting me know I could leave and she told me to call Adam and tell him. So I did and he asked why she had called me instead of him(its complicated [like everything else]) Later on when I got there it was right when Adam was getting back and we talked as we went up to the house and he said that he was kinda pissed that Lauren ended up picking up Kirstie and driving there herself when they had planned to go together. Cut to the party we were all having fun and texting each other (me&adam, adam&lauren me&lauren, lauren&dexter?[complicated]) so it is hard to explain. Adam and I stepped up the beer pong table and won like 5 games in a row. Then we moved on to some card game that I sat out of and eventually we moved on to Catch Phrase. But then another person got added to the mix(Brit D) and I dont even feel like explaining it(because I dont know it all) but I do know that Lauren got up and went outside to talk to adam? so i sent her a text asking if everything was alright and later she said she would explain later. We got bored of CP and moved on to more beer pong, adam and I lost to Lauren and Steph. We went and sat down where we had a long discussion about a lot of things, he ended up showing me text that Lauren had sent to him and he saved(this is kinda where my sadness began). After awhile adam left and then Kirstie and Lauren and I followed as well. The whole way home I thought about her and I felt I could just shed some tears. I also listened to a song over and over

I've been looking for a lifeline
for what seems like a lifetime
I'm drowning in the pain
breaking down again
looking for a lifeline

Is there anybody out there?
Can you pull me from this ocean of despair?
I'm drowning in the pain
breaking down again
looking for a lifeline

I just dont know WHAT TO DO! towards the end of high school is when I fell for her and after we kinda dropped contact, the only time we ever talked was about football. But ever since we have been talking more and even hanging out, I have fallen once more and I dont know what to do. because I now know the extent of her and Adam's relationship and he is my friend. Not to mention I would never want to screw up her and I's relationship. But I cant help the way I feel and it is really hurting me inside IT JUST SUCK'S so bad. I just wish I knew what to do, I am afraid to do anything(fear of rejection or messing up a good relationship) I dont know, I never want to see her hurt by anybody (Dexter, Adam, or Me) I wish I could somehow convey that to her. I just wanna be there for her, I want to be able to protect her, I want her to come to me when she is in a bad mood or just doesnt feel good. I really care for her with all my heart and soul and I dont know what to do! This is so hard to write now I am starting to tear up. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED!!! I just want her to know EXACTLY how I feel. After reading the texts she has sent Adam, I really want to be that person she can tell anything, no matter what it is. And everytime I talk or hang out with her I just fall deeper and deeper.

I just dont know!:(

Peace Out!