A Lot of Things Change, But Some Things Never Do

Well... Here I am once again...

Overall I am in a better place now then when I posted on here last, I am back down in Florida and have been for close to 2 years and I have been in a stable residence for the last year and a half. I have great roommates and we all get along which is something I havent had other than when I lived with my parents. For the most part everything has been going very well (except for the last couple months of summer) I now have 2 nice Country Club jobs and I am making good money again! Hopefully I will be able to get my finances straightened out and start saving for College! So things are certainly looking up... Though I cant shake this weird feeling and I think I know how to resolve it.

Very very soon I need to get back to eating healthier and working out again (also stop smoking)  because I have finally come to the point where I cant stop thinking about how shitty I look and feel. I know that it doesnt have to be this way, I have been healthier before and I can vaguely remember how amazing I felt when I worked out 6-7 days a week and ate things that helped to support my body and not destroy it... Hopefully writing about it here will help get the motivation cogs turning, they may be a little rusty. I am always fucking tired and it really makes it hard to be productive. I am surprised I actually sat down and took the time to write this, baby steps. Well, tomorrow I need to get up early and get a new tire for my car and shop for some real food, I also need to clean out my car, do some yoga (maybe some other body weight exercises) If I can do all of that then I will feel like I am on the right track (also if I can go tomorrow without buying or smoking any cigarettes) it all might be a little too much for me but I need to be strong! I can fucking do this!

Back Again...

       It's pretty amazing that I always seem to find my way back to this blog, I dont know how or why the feeling over comes me to write some more in my online diary, but alas, here I am. Well I am in a new location once again, and I am still not sure if its for the best or not. Though I am certain that I am completely tired of packing up and moving about every few months. Hopefully in the end I will have helped to accomplish something for my family and not just myself.

      I am currently in Augusta, Georgia living with my cousin, her husband, FOUR kids! They arent bad, just... you know... kids. I still have not found a job and it is really starting to take a toll on me, I really just need to start working to give me something to do as well as some income to start putting my life back together! To tell you the truth, I have let my life get completely out of hand. My finances are in a complete wreck and it is a bit tough to realize how much I am in debt right now. As soon as I can start working though I will finally start focusing on resolving ALL OF IT instead of ignoring anything having to do with money. Once I can get a grip on some of it and can some what breathe again I will be able to start looking into getting back into college and getting started on my goal of becoming an R.N. I have three things I will be focusing on, My money (lack of), My Mind (college), and My Body (losing weight) once I start working that should not be too hard, right?

       Other than all that serious personal shit, I have been thinking of legitimately giving YouTube a shot as in make videos regularly and see if anyone would care about what I have to say. In real life I am great at making friends and talking/listening to people why wouldnt it translate to online people? The only thing is that I will have to get over my fear of seeing/listening to myself on video, I feel like I am just weird and fat and people will dismiss me or worse, ridicule me. Then I think FUCK IT! wont hurt to try, what is the worst that could happen? So soon I will start working on content, I already have a few ideas but not sure how my execution will be... But fuck it is almost 4 am so maybe I should close the laptop and come back after some sleep... I wish I could talk into the camera as naturally as typing out text... Well until next time...

Peace. ☮

Seriously if ANYONE reads this feel free to leave a comment or something I love talking to people about ANYTHING haha