"Me...I'm Rusted and Weathered, Barely Holding Together"

So as I start this blog I realize that there is still light outside and is still the day of the events that I will talk to you about later. There are a couple reasons for the unprecedented time stamp of this blog. One is the fact I wanna get this done before I sit down in front of my T.V. to watch the hopefully entertaining V.P. Debate at 9:00 P.M. tonight. And the other is I wanna be done with this if we have another party chat tonight so I don't have to stay up until 4 finishing it.

I Love Music. Because it always seems to be there when I am down and need to be cheered up.It's there when I am bored and allows me to zone out and do a lot thinking about numerous things. I seem to listen to music in phases, for about a month or two I will be stuck on a band or two or a general style of music until I either get bored and move on to something else or something drastic enough happens in my life to change my mood. In the wake of the past couple days events I have rediscovered a band that I loved back when I was in middle school (late 90's early 00's). There third C.D. was one of the first C.D.s that I had ever received and I listened to it nonstop. When I was young I couldn't comprehend the lyrics like a can now after many life experiences and 18 years of life. After listening to the C.D. and band once again after 8 years or so I realized some of the lyrics almost mirror my exact feelings as of right now in my life. I know that people can and will interpret anything they read or see to somehow fit there life, but I find the references to be uncannily true. Here is an excerpt from the title track song of the C.D. Weathered

I lie awake on a long, dark night
I can't seem to tame my mind
Slings and arrows are killing me inside
Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine
No I can't accept the life that's mine

Simple living is my desperate cry
Been trading love with indifference
yeah it suits me just fine
I try to hold on but I'm calloused to the bone
Maybe that's why I feel alone
Maybe that's why I feel so alone

Me…I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and
it just won't heal

The sun shines and I can't avoid the light
I think I'm holding on to life too tight
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Sometimes I feel like giving up
Sometimes I feel like giving up

If you didn't know, the band is Creed. Right now I am listening to this song on itunes and as I hear the lyrics sung with such a gritty voice and can't help to listen intently. You can skip this if you want but I just wanna try to analyze the lyrics according to my life.

I feel that I cant tame my mind cause I am always thinking(usually about anything and everything) I have actually stayed up all night due to too much thinking(I am not sure how many other people go through that). I also think I can't accept this life that's mine because I believe that I deserve more than this life that I have been living so far, I deserve to go to college, have a career, meet someone special, and have a family and die at an old and happy age. I don't want to accept this life of loneliness and utter failure which is why the longer I hang around here in this house the closer I get to the life that I don't want. As you may have gathered from my previous blogs that I am done living like this which plays into the chorus of the song. I am so rusted and weathered from this toxic environment that I have been living in for the past year or so and I am barely holding together. I try to hold on but I am so calloused from it all and that is why I feel so alone in this house it's almost as if I don't fit in and after it all I just feel like giving up. Before I get started on the past 24 hours of my life I will leave you with another excerpt from a song from the Weathered C.D.(don't worry I wont analyze) the song is called Don't Stop Dancing and I think is a beautiful song.

At times life is wicked and I just can't
see the light
A silver lining sometimes isn't enough
To make some wrongs seem right
Whatever life brings
I've been through everything
And now I'm on my knees again

But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many
feel this way

Children don't stop dancing
Believe you can fly
Away…away

At times life's unfair and you know
it's plain to see

I never completed last nights blog but the only I did yesterday was fill out papers for my new job, oh and had a 2hour conversation with Chris, Jeremy, and Malerie. By the end of it, Chris and I were the only ones left so after about 15 minutes or so we decided that we both needed some sleep. I didn't get to bed until around 4:30 A.M. and was promptly woken up at 6:00 A.M. to go take out yard waste UGHH!! but I did it and went right back to sleep and didn't wake up until around noon. I waited around online surfing until 1:00 P.M. At that time I had to be on Bonita Beach Rd. for a drug test. After I got back I played some basketball and did some more surfing online and that is when I started feeling really tired... well i have been tired all day but now my eyelids were screaming CLOSE!! CLOSE!!! so I decided to take a nap for about an hour until both my parents got home simultaneously shortly after they left again to go watch my aunt bowl. So I am left here again by myself(which I like) to write this blog, cook dinner, and entertain myself. But soon the Debate will be on and that will occupy my time until 11:00 P.M. Then I will prob watch some T.V. and wait for a call from Chris.

Wow that was probably my shortest explanation of a days activities since I started this blog.

It's 8:00 now only one more hour.

So until tomorrow......

Peace Out!

I just wanna thank anybody who is an everyday reader(I know my friends are) but if there is anyone who found this blog randomly and for whatever reason read this...

Thank You